Passing Time
by DaughterxXxOfxXxThexXxNight
Summary: This story takes place during my version of New Moon when Edward leaves Bella. This is my first fanfic so please be gentle! Also, if you find you don't like my story, then simply don't read it. And please don't flame. Thank you! Please read and review!
1. October

**DISCLAIMER****: I Unfortunately Don't Own Twilight Or Its Characters, Stephenie Meyer Does...' **

**This Is My First Fanfiction, So Please Be Gentle. And Again, I Ask That You Not Flame. If You Find You Don't Like The Way It Goes, Or Anything About It, Then Don't Read It. Thank You And I Hope You Enjoy.**

* * *

_''You don't ...want me?''_

_''No...It will be as if I never existed.''_

_Love, life, meaning...over._

_**(A week later...Bpov)**_

_''Wait!'' I managed to choke out, trying to reach out for him. His lips barely grazing my forhead. My eyes closed. _

_''Take care of yourself,'' he said. His breath was cool against my skin. I opened my eyes to look into his dazzling topaz eyes, but seemed to be moving farther away from me. His beautiful face fading. _

_I blinked, then there was an unnatural light breeze, and he was gone. __''EDWARD!! PLEASE!!,'' I sobbed. Falling to my knees. __''Edward! No!!,'' I cried, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling as if somebody had just ripped my heart right out of my chest. I managed, shakily, to rise and try to follow him. Walking in the direction he had gone, my mind blank. My chest, an empty, and painful void. I kept walking and walking until I Finally lost my footing and came crashing down on the forest floor. Then everything went black._

**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**

I opened my eyes and stared at my alarm clock. 6:00 a.m. ''_Oh Yeah'' _I thought ''_Charlie said I'm supposed to be going back to school today.''_ I sat up, rubbing my eyes and grabbing the right side of my head. ''_why do I keep having that damn dream? I've been having it every night since...'' _I stared out the window. The window _he_ used to always climb through. Without realizing it, I had started crying. I curled up into a ball on my bed and tried to regain control. My mind was going blank, the painful, empty feeling in my chest was growing.

''Bells?'' Charlie said from my bedroom door. I hadn't heard him knock. He walked over to me and sat next to me. Hesitantly, he put his left hand on my shoulder ''Bells...You've been out of school for a week. I think you should try to go back today. Maybe it will take your mind off things...'' Charlie said in a low voice, embarrassed. He was never good at showing emotions. I had stopped crying but my body was stiff. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to go anywhere. I curled up tighter and Charlie started to get angry.

''He's not worth all this, Bella! Now get your butt out of bed! Now!'' Charlie yelled. His sudden change in tone made me jump a little.

''Ok...'' was all I managed to squeak out. He got up, muttering something I couldn't understand, and slammed my bedroom door. I stayed on my bed a few more seconds, blankly deliberating, when charlie called.''I don't hear you moving! GET UP RIGHT NOW!''

I sat back up. 6:35 a.m. I weakly got up and grabbed my toiletry bag and headed for the bathroom, my eyes stinging from crying. The day was, of course, cloudy and rainy. The crisp October air stung my skin and I shivered as I undressed for the shower. I stepped in and the warm water soothed my head and back muscles. I began to relax a bit. It was after seven when I got out and I dashed to my room, freezing. I grabbed the first thing I saw in my closet and put it on, blew my hair dry, and went downstairs. Charlie was at the table reading the newspaper when I entered the kitchen and sat down in an empty chair.

''Your keys are by the door. Hurry up or you'll be late. You got everything?'' Charlie said.

''Yes. And thank you. I'll see you tonight Ch-dad.'' I stuttered. I rose from my chair and put on my jacket. I grabbed my keys and bookbag and headed out. The rain had slowed to a drizzle but I dashed to my truck. I quickly got in and stuck the key in the ignition. I caught myself in the rearview mirror and stared. I had dark circles under my eyes and I looked sallow. A familiar stranger. I sighed. ''_This is not gonna be a good day''_ I thought_._

I turned the key and my truck roared to life. I put it in reverse and backed out of the driveway. The ride to school took forever. Everything seemed so dreary and dead to me. And the day had a green hue to it. As I pulled into the parking lot, my heart jumped. I swore i saw _his_ VOLVO. I blinked a few times and looked again. It was gone. ''_come on Bella. He's not gonna be here. You're seeing things_.'' I thought. My eyes stung and a few tears escaped. I parked my truck and pinched the bridge of my nose.

''You can do this,'' I said. I took a few deep breaths and grabbed my stuff. I stepped out of my truck and headed to my class.

The morning passed in a haze. Before I knew it, it was time for lunch. I made my way to the cafeteria and sat with Jess and them. They were trying to talk to me, but I ignored them. My mind was wandering back to _him_. Without realizing it, I had turned to stare at the table _they_ had always sat at. It was empty. I felt a sharp pain in my chest and my stomach twisted. My head felt dizzy and I got up and ran to the bathroom, throwing up nothing but bile. Jessica had followed me and started knocking on the stall door.

''Bella?!'' she asked, a little frantic. ''Are you ok?!''

''I'm...O..K...'' I managed to spit out between heaves. Finally, after heaving untill nothing was left, I flushed the toilet and opened the door. Jessica was still there, and she looked worried and slightly pale.

''You don't look like you're ok. Whats wrong?'' she asked. I looked at the floor and didn't answer. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me a couple of times. ''Hello! Earth to Bella! What's going on with you? You've been acting like this all day! Now tell me!'' she practically screamed.

''He's gone..'' was all I could say, my voice cracking as i finished. My eyes started to blur as I looked up at her. She looked confused for a minute, then realization spread through her eyes.

''You mean, Edward? Edward Is Gone??'' she asked. When she said _his_ name, I winced. all I could do was nod my head. She hugged me, and said how sorry she was. She led me out of the bathroom and got me a water bottle from the vending machine. Then we went back into the cafeteria and rejoined the group. The rest of the day passed quickly, thankfully. After the final bell rang, I raced out to the safety of my truck before anyone else could get a chance to talk to me. Once inside, I started the truck and pressed the gas. My truck whined in protest as I sped through the streets and arrived home. I got out and ran inside my house and up to my room. I threw everything on the floor and tossed myself onto my bed. I curled up once again, and unloaded a sea of tears from my eyes. The tears that had threatened to escape all that painful day.

The rest of the month was pretty much the same. I sat alone at lunch, and sat in the back of my classes. Jessica tried talking to me, but as I continued to ignore her and everyone else, she began to ignore me. As did all my friends. Such was my daily routine throughout October.

_**Edpov**_

_''You don't ...want me?''_

_''No...It will be as if I never existed.''_

I couldnt believe I had actually managed to say that without breaking down. I ran through the forest, and away from my Bella. My life. My love. If I could cry, the tears would be rolling and rolling down my face. I could hear her trying to come after me, but I was too fast and long gone before she could have. I stopped, taking an unessessarily shaky breath. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and cried her name out as I sank to the ground. I stayed there for what seemed like hours, shaking and dry-sobbing. It was already dark when I opened my eyes, and I could hear someone's voice calling Bella's name. I quickly got up and ran the rest of the way to the mansion and to my car. I had everyone leave already, but I stayed behing to say goodbye to her. I got in my car and sped off towards Alaska.

The ride to Alaska was long. And the time seemed to pass at an almost standstill. I almost turned back several times, my love for Bella almost being too much to carry on like this. This hurt. Alot. So much more than anything else I'd experienced in all my years of being. I don't think I had ever had something hurt me so much. I tried to distract myself, so I popped a cd in the stereo, not realizing which one I'd grabbed. Bella's lullaby started playing. My eyes began to sting. My forhead creased with curiosity and I wiped a finger over my cheek. I gasped. For once in almost a hundred years, I cried tears.

I had to pull over. My eyes were so blurred from the tears, and the shock of me actually crying tears was too much. I couldn't believe it. I was crying. Actually crying. I sat there for over an hour like that, my head in my hands. Making the most painful sounds in the world. My voice loud and sobbing. I screamed her name over and over. Saying how sorry I was for leaving her. I hit the steering wheel several times. When I had cried myself dry, I grabbed a tissue from the glove box and wiped my face. Still bewildered that I had cried real tears. It took me a few moments to collect myself, and I continued to drive towards Alaska.

_**(A week later)**_

_''You Don't...want me?''_ Bella's beautiful voice rang through my head as I envisioned her lovely face twist up in pain. I opened my eyes, trying to get that unforgetable day out of my head. But it didn't help. Her voice still echoed through my mind. Repeating that line. It was almost too much to bear. Of course I wanted her. I wanted her so much now than I ever did. But I chose this. I made my Bella bellieve I no longer cared for her. The thought alone was enough to send my non-beating heart into painful spasms. My face twisted up in pain and I sobbed. No tears came this time, but I was still sobbing just the same.

It's been only a week since I left. And I was already coming apart at the seams. Every inch of me was torn with sadness, regret, pain, and sorrow. The circles under my eyes were darker than usual, and my eyes a deep onyx. I hadn't fed since that day. I didn't want to live. I COULDN'T live. I couldn't live with myself for what I had done. If I were in this much pain, I could only imagine how Bella must be feeling. Alice was furious with me, and protested. But I told her, and everyone, that this was better for her. She deserved a normal, human life. And that we were altering that. Alice still hasn't spoken a word to me since. I often wonder if she is silently keeping tabs on Bella. She is constantly blocking her mind from me. The days continue to roll by. Today is Saturday, exactly two and a half weeks after I left, and the thirst was tugging and burning at my throat.

_''Edward, you need to feed''_ Alice's thoughts ran through my head, pulling me out of a daze. She was in the doorway to my room glaring at me.

''I don't want to Alice,'' I said flatly.

''I don't care whether you want to or not Edward Cullen. But the simple fact is, is that I know that Bella does not want you to die. You may have left her, but dying would kill her. Litterally.'' she said, anoyance in her tone.

''...Fine...'' I said. I got up and she and I left. It took six Deer before the burning in my throat subsided. I had to admit, it felt good to feed.

_''I knew you were hungry.''_ Alice thought. I looked at her and growled lowly and sped off back to the house. As I ran, I thought of Bella and of what Alice had said. I pictured Alice going back to Forks and telling Bella I had died. I pictured Bella getting sick. Sicker and sicker she got. And eventually she got too sick to live. I couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist. I may not be with her physically, but that thought was enough to drive me to stay alive.

When I arrived back home, I was on my way to my room again. On my way, I passed everyone. They were sitting in the living room. Emmett and Jasper were playing some card game and Rosalie was reading a book. Esme was watching tv with Carlisle. One by one, I felt their stares burn into my back as I passed. I couldn't look at them. I knew they were also mad at me and I didn't wanna argue. I pushed their thoughts out of my head and, once inside my room, put the cd I had made for Bella in the cd player and clicked play. Her lullaby started to play and I curled up on my bed and stared off.

Such was my life for the rest of that month.

**A/N: So?? What do you think??** _**Please reveiw and lemme know! And again, please be gentle. **_


	2. November

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Twilight Or Its Characters, Steph****enie Meyer Does. **

**Also, Thank You To My Reviewers! You're Making This Easier For Me. **

_**Bpov:**_

The first month was hard to get through. I'd wake up in the middle of the night either screaming out Edward's name, crying, or a combination of the two. Charlie hardly speaks to me now, just like everyone up at school. I don't have any friends anymore, and I kinda like it that way...for now. Sometimes I'll wake up and swear I'd see Edward sitting in the rocking chair, smiling my favorite crooked smile. The first time it happened, I gasped and tried to run towards him, but right when I got to him he dissapeared. I fell to my knees and cried, asking why this was happening and why he no longer loved me. I asked myself that question frequently.

Today Is November 1'st, 10 a.m.. It's gotten colder, but sometimes, I don't even feel the cold. It's like I've become totally numb to everything. Sometimes, when I wake up in the mormimngs, the dew on the tree outside will have frozen over into tiny ice crystals during the night. I hardly eat now, and Charlie pitches fits about it. I've probably lost ten or fifteen pounds over the passing month. I hadn't really noticed until Charlie brought it up the other day. I had just gotten up in the morning and he passed me on my way to the restroom in a tank top and shorts and he noticed how thin I had gotten. It's Saturday today, so I don't have to do much. During the weekends Charlie just lets me do whatever I want. We used to argue about it, but he'd lost those arguments a long time ago. But during the week, he presses me to do my homework and stay on task.

School passes by so slowly now, and I sometimes wonder why I continue to go. Charlie says I'm like a robot, only doing what's required of me. Like I'm on autopilot or something. I'd stopped caring about everything and everyone, so I guess he's probably right. My grades in my classes have dropped severely as well.

It's 10:30 now, so I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed my toiletries bag and headed for the shower. I drew a bath and climbed in, letting out a sigh of relief as the warm water soothed my cold skin. I stayed in there until the water turned cold, then sighed as I let the water out and reached for my towel. The water dripped off my arm as I grabbed the towel and as I got out I slipped on the tile and crashed to the floor, hitting my head on the corner of the counter as I fell. My head started to feel fuzzy, and then I smelled the copper-rusty smell of blood. My stomach lurched as I tried to move. Charlie had heard me fall and was outside the bathroom door knocking.

''Bella?! Are you ok?!'' Charlie yelled from the other side of the door. The lock on the door was broken so it wasn't locked, but Charlie was being gentlemanly by not just barging in.

''Unnnnn...'' was all I could manage to say as the blackness consumed me. The last thing I heard was Charlie bareling in and trying to wake me up. Then everything went black.

The next thing I knew I was waking up to a severe headache in a plain room with a large window. Charlie had apparently brought me to the hospital because I was wearing a hospital gown and laying in a retractable bed with an I.V. stuck in my arm. Charlie was sitting next to me and jumped when I woke up.

''Hey Bells, how are you feeling?'' Charlie asked, concerned and exhausted. Aparently he'd stayed up all night watching me.

''My head hurts,'' I said, holding my head in my left hand.

''Do you remember what happened yesterday?'' he asked.

''All I remember is slipping on the wet tile in the bathroom and then my head started hurting,'' I stated weakly. I was tired still and became nauseated as I remembered the smell of my blood. I winced at the pain in my head and stomach.

''What is it Bells?? Do you need something?'' Charlie asked, a little frantic. Before I could reply, Dr. Gerrandy walked in with a nurse and headed to my I.V. and inspected the half full bag.

''Hello Bella, how are you feeling? You hit your head pretty hard yesterday,'' Dr. Gerrandy noted, as he looked me over.

''My head hurts a little and I feel nauseous,'' I whispered.

''Well, your wound isn't extremely serious, so you can go back home first thing in the morning. But I would like to keep you one more night for observation anyway.'' Dr. Gerrandy said, making some notes on the notepad he'd brought in with him.

''But..'' I started to say when he interrupted me.

''I know you don't like being stuck in a hospital, but it's for the best Bella.'' he said. with that he left and the nurse came up beside me.

''Would you like something for the pain sweetie?'' she asked, her voice slightly high pitched, but sweet. I nodded and she left the room momentarily and returned with a syringe. ''Here you go hun,'' she said as she pushed the liquid in the I.V. I immeadiately started to relax and my eyes closed and I drifted off into the deepest sleep I'd had in over a month.

But the sleep was far from dreamless. I dreamt that I was walking in the forest and came to a clearing where I stopped dead in my tracks. There, in the middle of the clearing, was Edward, smiling his crooked smile. His head was cocked back toward the sky, his eyes closed. He heard me coming and looked at me, and his smile faded. As I approached him, his face turned dark, his eyes hidden.

''I don't want you anymore Bella. So move on.'' his voice was bitter and cold. I winced at the harshness of it and tried to reach for his hand. He jerked his hand back and ran at vampire speed into the forest. I stood there for a minute, then collapsed on the floor, my chest feeling like it was on fire. I screamed his name many times, but he never came to help me.

I woke with a jump, and I was sweaty all over. I looked around the room and noticed a small clock on the wall. 6:48. I couldn't tell whether it was morning or night yet so I glanced around the room and found Charlie slumped over, asleep, in the chair he'd been sitting in when the nurse gave me the medicine. I reached over and touched his arm, and he woke with a grunt.

''Char-dad, you didn't need to stay here with me,'' I said, collecting my thoughts.

''s'ok Bells,'' he said, groggy and a little embarrassed. ''What time is it?''

I looked at the clock, ''Seven'' I said.

He rubbed his eyes, then got up and said,''I'll go get the doctor then. Be right back'' he said sleepily. Seven a.m. then.

The doctor came in and, after looking me over, released me and Charlie wheeled me downstairs, in a wheelchair that I felt wasn't nessessary, to the cruiser. I groaned slightly at the thought of having to ride in the cruiser. ''_Nothing slows traffic down like a cop'' _I thought. With help from the nurse and Charlie, I managed to akwardly get in the car and Charlie shut the door. The ride home was quiet and I stared out the window, trying to escape from the dream I'd had. We passed by the school and I recognized Jessica and Angela standing in the parking lot talking with what looked like Mike. The clock on the dash said 7:23 a.m. _''That's right...they always get there early''_ I thought to myself. I shrugged and turned to stare out the windsheild.

When we finally reached the house, Charlie had to help me out of the cruiser because I stumbled over my own feet trying to get out.

Charlie chuckled,''I don't believe I have met anyone who hurts themselves as much as you.'' He continued to laugh and I glared at him in return.

Once we got inside the house, I immediately went upstairs and got my things for a nice long shower.

''Don't slip again!!'' Charlie yelled from downstairs, followed by laughter. _''Glad he thinks this is so funny''_ I thought with a grunt. When I was out of the shower, dressed and totally fine, I went downstairs and Charlie looked guilty, the phone in his hands.

I knew all too well what that meant. ''You told mom didn't you?!'' I practically screamed. I couldn't believe it! Just then the phone rang and I looked down slowly to stare at it. ''You're answering it, dad.'' I said, a hint of irritation in my voice. He answered and sure enough, it was Renee.

''No...She's Fine, She's...Renee...Lemme...'' Charlie stuttered as mom yelled, panicked, at him through the phone, Charlie looked strained. I stood there glaring at him, rolling my eyes. It was his own fault, I just cut my forhead. It wasn't like I'd been almost ripped to shreds again by a vampire. I stood there bewildered at the fact that I'd remembered that and didn't come crashing down. I admit it hurt a bit, but it didn't send me into hysterics. I shook my head and went back upstairs to my room. I could still hear Charlie trying to clam Renee down. After about 30 minutes he hung up and came up to my room.

''Bells? Can I come in?'' He asked.

''Ok'' I said, and he opened my door and walked over to my bed and sat next to me.

''Well, Renee finally let me talk to her. She isn't coming up here or anything. She was just worried.'' Charlie stated.

''I still don't know why you had to tell her in the first place. It's not like my life was in danger or something.'' I pointed out and he looked down sheepishly, fiddling with a loose thread on his pants.

''Just try to be more careful next time'' he said gruffly, embarrassed again.

''I will dad.'' i said flatly. He deliberated a minute, then rose and left my room, closing the door gehind him. I stared out the window, thinking about nothing in particular when my previous thought came back to my mind. I still wasn't crying. Wow...I never thought I'd see the day when thinking of anything related to _him_ wouldn't send me into a crying fit. I lay there on my bed for the rest of the day. Thinking of _him_, wondering how he was, and where he was for that matter. Sunny L.A. was NOT a place they would really go to. The tears that hadn't come earlier were streaming down now. I still didn't know why he had done this, but at least I was coping with it a bit better as time went on.

_**Edpov:**_

It's been a month now. And it still hurts as much now as it did then. I didn't say much and when I did, it was usually about Bella, and my family was getting annoyed with me, that much was obvious. They all blocked their minds from me now, and that was bugging me. But I didn't pay much mind to it. All I could think about was her; the way she looked when she actually believed I didn't want her anymore. How could she have believed that?! _''Because you are a very good liar''_ I thought to myself. It was true. I could lie my way out of anything and could bribe anyone to do anything I wished. Damn, I should go to hell for using that power against My loving Bella. I definately knew now that I never deserved her.

I still would go a week or more without feeding and Alice pretty much had to drag me to go with them when they would. They were going today and I was sure Alice knew I hadn't fed since the last time she took me. The burn in my throat was firce, but I had learned to ignore it. Right then, just as I figured, she was in my doorway giving me the evil eye.

''Edward Cullen, I'm getting sick of you doing this! Get your ass up and come with us!'' she exclaimed. She was mad, I knew that for a fact. She never cursed like that unless she was pissed. I sighed big and got up from my couch and headed out with her, Emmett, and Jasper. I immediately felt calming waves flooding my way and I rolled my eyes and looked exasperatingly at Jasper. ''Please don't.'' I said dryly, while giving him an irritated glance. He glanced at me sideways and the waves only became stronger and I sighed in defeat. ''Ok...ok...you win...'' I finally said. He smiled in triumph and turned back to the path ahead of us.

We reached the area where our prey was unknowingly awaiting, and spread out to find our pick of the animals around us. There were two types. Deer and a few bears. Alice decided on the deer and Emmett, Jasper and I chose the bears. With a loud crack, Emmett brought his kill down, and drained it swiftly. Taking two more down before he was satisfied. I crouched down and sprung on mine, breaking its neck clean, and drained it as well. I took down one more in the same fashion. Jasper had taken two down and had fulfilled his thirst. Alice had taken four deer down and when everyone was done, we all took off back towards the house. I kept myself numb and my mind blank, so Jasper couldnt feel anything from me.

I immediately dashed up to my room and sat back down on my couch and leaned my head back, pinching the bridge of my nose. I did feel better after feeding, but there was another pain growing in my chest. And I knew the only way to make it go away was to be with Bella. But again, I had to tell myself that this was for the better, that she needed to be seperated from me. But all the same, I still loved her. After a while her beautiful, heart shaped face, came into my mind and, instead of shaking it away like I usually did, I let my mind take over and began to go back to Forks, and back to my Bella. I wondered how she was, and I wanted desperately to know...so, after thinking it over for about an hour, I sucked it up and called Alice.

She danced into my room before I finished calling her, shining with delight as she knew why I'd called her. As she sat next to me, her face changed. ''Are yoy sure you wanna do this Edward?'' she asked. I nodded my head in earnest and she smiled. Her face blanked and I saw what she saw. Bella was at school, only she was alone. My god! She was so thin and gaunt! There were dark circles under her eyes and her lovely skin an unnatural shade of white. I barely recognized her. She looked sallow, almost dead. As if all the life had been drained of her and she was just a zombie, walking around without purpose. Like she was there because she had no other choice. I saw her friend Jessica give her the cold shoulder as she passed Bella in the halls. I watched as she drove home, almost in a dazed like state, seeing without really seeing. I saw Charlie's face as the anger grew inside him. He hated me, I could tell that much. I couldn't watch anymore. I shook my head, then shook Alice's shoulder. I watched as she came to and looked over at me, anger filled her eyes.

''I told you it was a bad idea Edward!'' she hissed, barely audible, but loud enough for me to hear. ''What the in hell were you thinking you selfish bastard?!'' she continued. ''How could you have thought this was the best for her?! Huh?!'' She raged. I had never seen Alice this mad. Her voice cracking as she lashed into me. ''Did you see her?! She's not doing well and it's your fault! Look what you have done to her!'' She yelled, shaking. her fists in tight balls at her sides, she was standing by now. Then she flashed an image through my mind. I saw Bella fall in the bathroom and hit her head, then she was at the hospital. I winced and she continued.''You selfish, SELFISH BASTARD!!'' she spat and stalked out of my room, almost breaking the door off its hinges as she slammed it.

I sat there, rolling the images I'd just seen over in my head. What had I done?! I'd done more harm than good. I started to head to my car to go back when a thought struck me. _What if she doesn't want me anymore? What if I hurt her so bad that she'll never forgive me? _No, I didn't wanna think about that. I'd rather her hate me and move on then try to go back. So I stayed, wallowing in agony as I tortured myself with the images Alice had shown me, my punishment to myself for doing this to the one I loved.

_**A/N: So?? How Am I Doing?? Hope You All Like It So Far! Please Reveiw And Give Me Any Ideas On How I Might Could Imrpove It. Or Any Ideas On What I Should Write About For The Next Chapter, December. Lemme Know! **_


	3. December

_**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Twilight Or Its Characters...Stephenie Meyer Does...**_

_**Also! I Wanna Say Thanks To: **_

_**Bella-with-the-blue-eyes And**_

_**Oxygen.and.Cucumber **_

_**For Contributing Their Ideas For This Chapter! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! Sorry If It's A Little Long! Lol!**_

_**Bpov:**_

Well, it's December now. Two painful months since my Edward has left me. And for a while, I actually thought I might be coping with it better...but...to no avail, I relapsed again. Charlie calls me ''The Lovesick Zombie''. At first, I got mad and didn't believe him. But he pointed out several of things that made me reconsider what he had said.

_''Bella, it's like you're on autopilot. Just a robot that does only what's required of it. You have stopped eating almost entirely now and you look so thin, you hardly sleep and when you do you're ALWAYS crying out his name, your grades are suffering, you no longer have any friends, I...I hardly recognize you now. Your entire persona, your personality, it's like you've just shut down and given up!'' _Charlie had exclaimed_._

_''Char-dad...It's...'' _I'd tried to say but he'd interrupted me_._

_''No, Bella. I'm not going to listen to your excuses! Why don't you try living with Renee for a while? Maybe that will pull you out of this stupor you've allowed yourself to fall into.'' _he'd suggested. I looked at the floor while he said this, but when he'd mentioned Renee, I snapped.

_''I don't want to live with Renee and Phil! Why the hell would you even suggest that?! I'm fine here! This is where I live, not down in sunny, hot Florida! In case you haven't noticed, this is usually how a girl acts when she's dumped!'' _my voice had cracked as I'd said that last line. I was in tears by that point. ''_I'll be fine dad. So don't worry about it...''_ I could only whisper then because I was crying. I'd run up to my room, slamming my door behind me.

The next day, when I had arrived to school, my teachers had gathered into a conference and had asked me to join them as I'd passed the room they were in.

_''Oh, Bella. We were just talking about you. Would you step in here for a moment?''_ My english teacher had asked. I walked in and sat down in an empty desk.

_''Ok Bella. We all have noticed that your grades have been slipping and how trance-like you have been lately. Is there anything you would like to tell us?''_ My calculus teacher said. I'd stared at him for a few minutes before answering.

''_Umm...well...no not really. I'm just having some problems with my...boy..friend..'' _I almost choked on the word boyfriend. I'd had to swallow hard a few times and rub my eyes before I could regain control. They all mumbled to eachother for a moment then turned back to me.

_''Are you sure there isn't anything else? We are here to help you if you need anything.''_ My english teacher stated. I shook my head, forcing a smile, then rose out of my seat and quickly walked out, choking back tears as I left.

Everything went in about the same fashion. Jessica and everyone I had called a friend looked down at me and gave me exasperated looks, or rolled their eyes as I would pass by them, muttering profanities or other rude comments. It stung somewhat because we had all been friends once, but whatever. I no longer cared about it. My main focus was just trying to get through the school day as quickly as possible. Charlie often continued to try to edge me to move with Renee, though I always declined.

As I had mentioned, it's December now, and Charlie put up the christmas tree in hopes that it might cheer me up. In all honestly, and to my suprise, it had. It gave me a warm and comforting feeling to see it. Charlie would chop up some firewood and build a fire just about every night. I had to admit, I liked it. The weeks rolled by, initiating it was almost Christmas. And Charlie had asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I never gave him an answer. Then, on Christmas Eve, I snuck out of the house while Charlie was over at the Black's down at La Push, and went to the place where Edward had left me. Tears filled my eyes as I remembered that painful day. I shook my head to clear my mind of the images and harsh, unloving words that were said. I wrapped my arms around myself and fell to the ground, crying so hard I hiccuped occasionally.

''If there is a god, or higher diety, please. Please answer my prayer,'' my voice sounded odd. I was never the religeous type, so this was a bit akward for me. ''Please, all I truly want for Christmas is Edward'' I cried, sobbing harder. ''Even if it's just for the briefest moment. To be able to share one more kiss with him..That would be enough! Just one kiss...Oh god...please! Somebody, anybody! Whoever is listening...'' I trailed off, crying too hard to continue anymore.

I remained there, lying on the ground for a long while, crying and wishing silently in my mind. It was late when I arrived home, but thankfully, Charlie hadn't gptten back yet. I drug myself upstairs and grabbed my stuff and headed for a nice hot shower. The water felt good on my cold body, and the knots in my back began to untwine and I began to relax a bit. I let out a small moan in relief. When I was all pruny, I got out and dressed myself quickly and blew my hair dry.

I'd realized that I hadn't eaten all day when my stomach rumbled and a sharp pain shot through it. I went downstairs and made myself a sandwitch and a glass of milk. After I finished, I sleepily climbed up the stairs and got into bed. I'll never forget the dream I had that night...or the events that took place the following evening.

_**Edpov:**_

December...Had it really been that long? Two months have never felt so long! It felt like an eternity for me...much less how it had felt for Bella. I will never forgive myself for this. Alice keeps feeding me images of Bella. I can barely stand it, but at the same time, I know I deserve it, and so much more.

The weeks pass by seeminly in slow motion. Tomorrow is Christmas already, and how I longed to spend it with my Bella. I want it more than I have ever wanted anything else. Just then, Alice dashed in my room, several emotions playing on her face.

''I wanna show you something, Edward. What I'm going to show you just proves that I was right all along.'' she said, and with that her face blanked and the image I saw was all I needed to see. There, in the _exact_ place where I had left her, Bella was curled up in a ball...crying...and begging...for me to come back! She wanted me still! Even for just one minute, to hold and kiss me. The image faded, and Alice turned to me, her face serious.

''Edward...please go to her! I don't know how much longer I can watch her suffer like that! Please!'' she pleaded, sadness growing in her voice.

''But...I...'' I trailed off. ''I don't know...if..it's such a good idea...I mean..I told her I didn't want her, Alice!'' I cried, torn between staying here or going back to her.

''I know what you said to her Edward!'' she hissed under her breath.'' But Edward, she still loves you! can't you see that?! And I KNOW you still love her too... and all that you had told her was just a lie! Now GO TO HER EDWARD!!'' she exclaimed. With that, I grabbed my keys and headed to my car, and to my love.

_**Bpov:**_

''_What the??'' I said to myself. I had wound up in our meadow, and I didn't know how I'd gotten there. It was after dark, and I could barely make out a figure standing in the middle of the meadow in the soft moonlight. No...There was just no way...I had to be halucinating. As I walked closer, the figure moved and a pair of eternal, golden Topaz eyes met mine. ''It can't be...It's all a dream...right??'' I stammered over my words. When I was finally just a few feet away from him, I noticed something that I never in my wildest dreams would have expected. Those beautiful Topaz eyes were crying! Actually, truly crying! Before I knew what was happening, his lips were on mine, kissing me with such eagerness...so much longing behind it. I crushed my lips back on his, returning his eagerness and longing, the both of us crying together._

My eyes opened to Charlie saying that it was Christmas and to get up and meet him downstairs. I glanced at my clock as Charlie left my room, it was ten after eleven. _''It was only a dream'' _I thought to myself. Dissapointment and sadness washed over me as I pulled myself out of bed to grab my bag of toiletries. After I got out of the shower and was dry and dressed, I headed downstairs. Charlie was waiting for me at the kitchen table, a small gift lying on the table with a tag that had my name on it.

''Hey Bells, Merry Christmas'' he said smugly, obviously embarrassed, while handing me the small package. It was about the size of my Wuthering Heights book, only a bit heavier. I looked at him questioningly as he motioned for me to open it. When I opened it, I realized what it was. A photo album with my name on the cover. It was Edward's favoride shade of blue. My eyes stung, but I fought the tears back as I opened it. I gasped and nearly dropped it. It had a picture of me and Edward! I quickly thumbed through the rest of it and there were all kinds of pictures of us, the Cullens, Jess and the old gang, and me and Charlie! My hand flew up to my mouth as I supressed a whimper, the tears I had tried to fight back were falling in earnest now. Charlie looked startled.

''Bella??'' He asked,''Bella...I..Uhh...I'm..'' he started to say when I held my hand up and interrupted him.

''Dad...You've given me the best present I could have asked for. Thank you so much.'' I sobbed, hugging Charlie. I smiled genuinely at him.

''Well...now...umm...you're welcome..'' he said, embarrassed again, hugging me back akwardly. ''I thought about it for a long time, and I still don't like what he's done, but I knew that this might help you get through this a bit easier...I remembered what you had said about girls and breakups and noticed that you had absoloutely no pictures of him. So, here ya go.'' he said, looking at the floor and fidgeting a bit.

''Thank you'' I said again, still crying, and hugging him once more. I turned around and grabbed my keys and my jacket and headed for the door.

''Bella?? Where are you going?'' Charlie asked, walking after me.

I stopped at my truck and turned around.''To a secret place so I can look at this better by myself. I'll be back later on tonight. I won't be too late, I promise.'' I said. I smiled at him again and got in my truck. It roared to life and I drove away to our meadow. Somehow, I had this weird feeling that I needed to go there. It just felt right, seeing as how I had pictures of him. And of the dream I had as well. I wasn't sure why, though, but I followed my instincts.

_**Wpov: (Writer's pov)**_

It took Bella a while to get to the meadow, since her truck couldn't go past 60 mph. But, eventually, she made it and soon, she was sitting in the middle of the meadow, looking over the pictures.

''_I just can't believe Charlie actually did this...I could swear that he detested Edward...much less do something like this simply for me...''_ she thought as her eyes gazed over the pictures as they re-painted the memories they held, making her cry again as she recalled them. ''_It feels so good...and relieving...so see his beatuiful face again...it's almost like he's really here with me. It is helping...thank you so much Charlie.''_ she thought again, smiling.

* * *

By 7 p.m., Edward was speeding through Forks and arrived at Bella's house. Before he got out of his car, Charlie's thoughts rang through his mind.

''_Secret place? What is she talking about? God I hope I did the right thing...giving her those pictures...I may not like Edward for leaving her, but he made her happy...''_

_''Pictures?'' _Edward thought. _''Oh wow...I had totally forgotten Charlie's camera when I was erasing myself from her life. At least I know where to find her''_ he continued, taking off for the ''secret'' place...the meadow..._their_ meadow.

He reached it in no time, and saw Bella's truck. _''Good. She's still here''_ he thought as he got out of his car and ran to the clearing. He could already smell her...''God I missed this scent'' he said, breathing in the floral smell. He passed some brush and there she was! His beatuiful Bella, on her knees, bent over and clutching the album, shaking with sobs. In the blink of an eye, Edward was right behind her, making sure not to make a sound as he aproached her, and she didn't seem to notice his presence at all. Edward deliberated for a while, not sure if he should proceed or leave. Bella's crying was making him sick with sorrow.

''Edward..'' she cried. For a moment he thought she'd discovered he was there, but she only continued to cry harder. Edward couldn't take it anymore. He knelt down and gently wrapped his arms around her waist. Bella jumped up, gasping sharply, turning around to see who had suprised her. She gasped and made a slight choking sound, dropping the photo album, her eyes wide.

''Oh...My...God!..'' she choke out and swallowed hard, standing frozen in place. Without realizing it, her jaw had dropped open. Her eyes met his and her hand clamped over her mouth to supress a scream, which ended up coming out in a light whimper. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she sank back down to her knees, still holding her mouth, crying hard, shaking vigorously. ''I...No...this can't...it's not...it's a dream again...it...has..to be...there's no...'' she stuttered, her voice cracking shakily each time she sopke. Then she reached a shaky hand out toward Edward, seeing if he would dissapear on her again. His hand immediately shot up and grasped hers, his fingers locking with hers. She cried harder, but managing a smile as she realized that it was real. ''Oh..my god...this...is real! You're...here...really here!'' she gasped, throwing herself into his arms. Edward greeted her openly, holding her close, shaking just as hard as she was.

''Oh Bella...my Bella!'' Edward exclaimed. Again, for the second time in almost a hundred years, he cried tears. ''I'm so...sorry! I...'' he choked out, barely audible above his blubered crying. Bella felt his cold tears on her skin and looked up, wide eyed.

''Edward...youre..crying! Really crying!'' She reached up to his face and wiped his cheek. Bella gasped. He was really crying! ''But...how?!'' Bella asked, stunned.

''I...I don't...Know...I cried like this the day I left you...'' his voice trailed off, crying too hard to continue.

''But, I thought..you..didn't..want me anymore..'' Bella winced, her voice breaking as she said the last part. At that, Edward tilted Bella's face up to meet his and kissed her with so much love and passion that any other thoughts Bella had of that lie went flying out the wondow. Both of their hands entwined in eachother's hair as they continued to kiss passionately until Edward broke the kiss, both of them gasping for breath.

''Bella,'' Edward breathed, still trying to catch his breath and swallowing hard. ''After what happened on your birthday, I...'' He tried to say, his voice strained with pain.

Bella looked at him confused, then understanding swept accross her face as she realized the truth behind why he'd lied to her and left. _''A clean break...easy to heal''_ she thought, ''I _remember what the doctor said when James had broken my leg.'' _she thought again. ''I understand now..why you left...But...why did you come back?'' Bella asked, wanting to know why he'd returned. After all, that was the part she couldn't understand.

''Alice had shown me what all it was doing to you...and I...I couldn't bear to see you suffering like that...it damn near killed me...especially the look on your face when you'd actually believed that I didn't love you or want you...it took every ounce of strength I had to say no...'' his voice cracking as he explained, more tears coming down the marble skin of his face. ''I...I...'' he stuttered, unable to gather his thoughts, shaking his head in defeat, but Bella kissed him again. They kissed for a long while, crying together and honlding eachother until neither one could cry anymore.

''I should probably head back home...Charlie might be wondering where I'm at.'' Bella groaned, as they both scrambled to their feet. All of a sudden a sinking feeling grabbed at her stomach. She turned to Edward, ''Please don't leave me again!'' she begged, grasping his arm. ''My wish came true...and I don't want it to end yet!'' she pleaded. The feeling in her stomach grew as his eyes averted hers. Bella's eyes grew wide, and she started shaking. ''...Edward...??'' she squeaked.

''Bella...I...'' Edward couldn't finish. He didn't know what to say. The pain in his dead heart was growing again. He was so happy to be with Bella again, but he couldn't forget the danger she could be put into again. ''I don't think it's a good idea for me to stay, Bella. I came here to see you, yes. But it still doesn't change the fact that I could be compromising your life and putting you in danger. That's a risk that I'm not willing to take.'' Edward said, sadness enveloped his voice. Bella stared, looking dazed.

''You...you're...not gonna...no...not again...'' she stammered. Tears filled her eyes again as she paled and collapsed, Edward catching her right before she hit the ground.

Edward was crying again as he said,''I'm sorry, my love. I do love you, and I always will...'' and with that, he picked her up and carried her back.

_**Bpov:**_

When I came to, I was laying on my bed, and it was still dark outside. I recalled the last thing that happened before I went under and jumped up. _''No!'' _I thought as I ran to my window and looked out. There was my truck, sitting in the driveway. ''No!!'' I screamed as my legs caved out from under me, falling to the floor. He'd left me again. I stayed lying on my bedroom floor untill the daylight was shining dimly through my window. When I woke, I sat up and gazed around my room. On top of my dresser was my photo album. I dashed over to it and grabbed it and began flipping through it, a hollow sinking feeling building in my stomach. _''No way!''_ I thought. All the pictures were still in it! I clutched it tightly and fell on my bed, rocking back and forth, balling my eyes out. Then something seemed to hit me. There was a small, folded piece of paper that was sitting next to the photo album. I reached over and grabbed it and opened it. It was a note...from Edward.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry...but this really is for the best. I love you. Please, be safe._

_-Edward_

I realized that something had fallen out of the note and I shifted to see what it was. It was a tiny flower from our meadow. I picked it up and brought it to my nose. It smelled pretty. I put the note, and the flower, next to my favorite picture of me and Edward, and closed the album.

_**A/N: So? How Did I Do? I Hope I Didn't Dissapoint You Guys With Your Ideas. Lol! Please Review And Lemme Know!! Any Ideas For The Fourth Chapter, January?? I Have A Few, But I'd Like My Reveiwer's Input. You're Reading It After All! **_


	4. January, Part 1

_**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Twilight Or Its Characters. Stephenie Meyer Does. Also, The Final Quote Is From The Actual Story New Moon.**_

__

**A/N: Thank You Again To My Reviewers! And Thank You For Your Ideas! **

* * *

_**Bpov:**_

For the remainder of that month, I never came out of my room other than a shower. The shock and devastation Edward had left took its hold on me, relentless in the torturous dreams it created for me. It hurt. And what sucks the most, is that I actually believed he had come back to me, to stay. Boy was I wrong. But why? Even though I had an understanding with Edward's intentions, it still didn't make sense to me why _this_ was the only alternative. _This_ was really stupid of him to think that hurting someone he ''_cared'' _so much for was _''for the best''_.

December ended and January began, and for a few days into January, I still hardly left my room. Sometimes I'll just curl up on my bed and gaze over the pictures Charlie gave to me. It helped some, but it also brought back the pain. It hurt because it reminded me of what he'd done, but it brought ease because I was getting to see his face. Sometimes I'll wake up and still smell his luscious scent, feel his cool arms around my waist. But it quickly vanishes as I fully wake up. He also stars in my dreams almost every night. Today is the first day back at school, and I'm not looking forward to it.

My alarm pulled me out of a dreamless sleep and I stayed on my bed for a few minutes, contemplating whether to just roll over and not go or to suck it up. Just then, I heard Charlie's voice from downstairs.

''Bells! School starts back up today! Hurry up or you'll be late!''

I groaned and sighed heavily as I made my way to the shower. After I was at least decent, I came downstairs and sat at the kitchen table.

''Hey Bells, morning kiddo.'' Charlie said, trying to sound happy. I could tell he was having a hard time with it though, considering how I was acting for the past couple of weeks. ''You ready for school again?'' He asked.

''Not really, but what choice do I have?'' I said with no real tone or emotion in my voice. With that, I rose and grabbed my things, heading out into the cold rain for yet another day of being ignored. Oh well. As I have already said, it doesn't bother me as much now. I goin in my truch and turned the key, reving it a little after not being driven in a while. The roar startled me a bit, and I laughed a little, skakily. I pulled out and headed to school. The day passed so slowly and it seemed forever to get to lunch. But once it did, it was over before I knew it. I sighed and headed to my next class. The rest of the day was pretty much the same. But gym was worse. After we were all changed, we came out and realized we had a substitute.

''Hello. My Name Is Miss. Blanch. I'll be covering for your regular teacher today. He left a paper with some activities for you all, so let's get started.'' she said. Her voice was extremely nasal sounding, and her nose was long and poited. She was about a foot taller than me, with dark brown hair that reached just below her chin. ''Ok, first he wants you to run three laps around the gym, then get into sets of three. Ready. Set. Go!'' she called, and we were off. I was already stumbling over my own feet as I ran. I had barely made it to the first lap when I fell flat on my face. The sub laughed as she cam eover to help me up. I was the last one to finish and came up and joined the rest of the students.

''Ok, now that that's over with, lets get into teams of three. You may chose your own teams. Go.'' she said. I stayed where I was, not expecting anyone to talk to me.

''Umm, hey Bella. You got a team?'' Mike said. I turned around, stunned that he was even talking ot me at all.

''N..No. I don't.'' I stuttered. He smiled a little and came to stand next to me with one of his friends. ''Thank you, Mike.'' I said, he just smiled at me and turned bact to the teacher who was ecplaining the rules of the game we were about to play. We went through the rest of the class playing some game I had never heard of when, bless it, the bel rang. I thanked Mike again and headed off to go change. I changed quickly, and rushed out the door, just wanting to get home. I was halfway to my truck when Mike caught up to me.

''Hey, Bella, You seem better today. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in a while. What happened anyway?'' he said. I turned around and looked at him, not sure how to answer him.

''Just some personal issues I had. And yeah, I am getting better with every day. And I'm glad you're talking to me again. I'm sorry I haven't exactly been miss. sociable. Tell Jess I said hi, ok? I've gotta run though. I'll see ya.'' I said, almost rushing the words. Mike just looked at me for a minute.

''Oh, ok then. I'll see ya.'' He said, a little confused. I waved and took off for my truck.

Once inside, I sighed big and put my head on the steering wheel, my eyes closed. Well, at least today wasn't a total bummer. I started my truck and headed home.

The rest of the week passed in about the same fashion. Mike would talk to me in the classes we had together and once he asked if I wanted to eat with them. I said that I needed to make up a test or something. I knew that Jessica and them probably wouldn't want to talk to me. Finally the weekend came and I could relax. I woke up fairly early for a saturday, and was dressed for the day by ten a.m.

''Morning Bells. How are you doing today?'' Charlie asked.

''I'm ok. You're in a good mood today. How come?'' I asked, curious as to why he was in such a good mood.

''Billy invited us to go over and hang out today. He said Jacob has been wanting to hang out with you and me.'' Charlie explained. I could hear something in his voice, but I couldn't make out what it was yet. ''So what do you say Bells?'' He asked.

I deliberated for a minuted, trying to decide if I wanted to. He looked really eager, so I decided why not. ''Sure, what time?''

''I was gonna leave around eleven.'' He said, his face lighting up a bit.

''Ok. What are we gonna do there?'' I asked. I couldn't shake the feeling he was hiding something from me.

''Billy was talking about a cook out I think.'' He said. ''And Jacob has almost finished with the car he has been working on.''

''Oh'' I said. I let it drop. Whatever he was hiding, I'd find out later.

Eleven came and we headed out. On the ride down to La Push, Charlie prattled on about different things. Obviously trying to make conversation. I had to admire that though. He seemed to be getting more comfortable talking to me, though I didn't know why seeing as how I had hardly talked the past four months. Or maybe that was why. I couldn't be sure. I liked it though. It kept my mind from wandering back to _him_.

Finally, we reached the Black's and Billy was already outside withing for us.

''Hey Billy! Good to see ya! It's been a while!'' Charlie called, waving his hand as get got out of the truck.

''Sure sure! How are things?'' Billy said, meeting Charlie halfway. I folowed Charlie and Billy turned to me. '' Hi Bella, How are you doing?'' He asked, there was more to his question than really nessessary, and I realized that he knew what was happening with me. I decided to play innocent.

''Hi Billy. I've been good. how are things here? Where's Jake at?'' I said, trying my best to sound and look normal.

''Jake's out back still messin with that Rabbit of his.'' Billy said, shaking his head a little. I laughed.

''Would you mind if I went to say hi?'' I asked, trying to be polite.

''Sure sure, It's no problem. Come on in Charlie. You want anything to drink?'' Billy asked as he and Charlie headed for Billy's house.

I headed around to the back and found Jacob with his head buried in the hood of the Rabbit.

Hey Jake, It's been a while.'' I said. Jacob lifted his head too fast and bumped it on the hood. I started laughing.

'' OUCH!!'' He said rubbing his head, the look on his face made me laugh harder. ''Hiya Bella!! I didn't think you were gonna come!'' He said, grabbing me up into a tight bear hug.

''Can't...breathe...''' I managed to huff out.

''Ha ha, sorry Bella.'' He said, laughing a little. ''Hey Look! I'm almost done with the Rabbit!'' He grabbed my arm and took me over to the car, rambling on about spark plugs and such. Things I didn't know anything about. But I pretended to know for his benefit. After about an hour, Billy came outside and called us over.

''Hey guys, we're gonna start dinner, So what do you guys want? We have steak, hot dogs, potatoes, green onions, pork chops, fish, and chicken breasts.'' Billy said.

''Ooooh, I'll take a steak, medium cooked, a couple of onions, and a potato.'' Charlie said.

''Alright then, Bella?'' Billy asked, turning to me.

'' Umm...I'll have a chicken breast, a bit of fish and a potato.'' I said. My mouth was watering already because everything was being cooked on the grill.

''Ok then, Jake?'' Billy asked.

''I'll have one of everything!'' Jake shouted, smiling big.

Billy shook his head and laughed as he and Charlie went inside to get the food. ''Hey Jake, get the grill started will ya?'' He called over his shoulder.

I turned to Jake wide eyed. ''You are gonna eat all that?!'' I said, stunned.

''Sure sure. I have a big appetite.'' He said, flashing a quick smile at me as he poured the charcoal in the bottom of the grill and lit them after pouring some lighter fluid over them.

''Wow...I'll say.'' I marveled. I had never seen anyone who could eat so much.

Billy and Charlie came back with the food and put it on the grill. Charlie brought me and Jake a soda while we all sat around the grill talking about school, work and stuff.

''Ok, I think Its ready, Charlie, you and Bella can get your food first.'' Jake said and handed us each a paper plate.

After we got our fod, Jake got his and Billy's plates, then went inside and got some more sodas and a couple of beers for Billy and Charlie.

''Wow Jake, this is really good, I never knew you could cook.'' Charlie said, as he scarfed his food down.

''Yeah Jake, good job!'' I said, enjoying my plate as well. Jake just looked sheepishly at his plate, picking at his potato.

After we finished eating Jake went back to his Rabbit and started working on it again. I followed, listening to Jake as he continued talking about car parts. Charlie and Billy went inside to watch tv. After a while, Jake got quiet, looking like he was thinking about something.

''Waht's wrong Jake?'' I asked, a little worried. The look on his face was a bit unnerving.

''Well...Um...I was thinking about something...about what Charlie had told Billy...about the Cullens leaving.'' as he said this, he glanced sideways at me. My stomach lurched and twisted up.

''Yeah...they left..so what?'' I tried to keep my voice non scholant about it, looking away and averting his eyes, but my voice cracked a little at the end, betraying me.

''So? I know you and...Edward...were...'' He said, his voice trailing off at the end. Was it just me, or did I hear anger in his voice as he said Edward's name? I thought about it for a minute, but dropped it, not wanting to push it.

''Yeah...well...things happen. Dr. Carlisle got a job offering and took advantage of it. That's all.'' I said flatly, my voice sounded odd.

''Oh'' he said. I could tell he didn't want to talk about it any more, and I gladly let it drop.

''Hey Bells! Let's go!'' Charlie called from the driveway. I got up and Jake followed me to Charlie's cruiser.

''Hey Billy, thanks again for inviting us. It was nice to get out of the house for a while.'' Charlie said.

''It's no problem. Any time. You guys come visit soon.'' Billy said.

''See ya Jake.'' I said giving him a quick hug.

''See ya.'' was all he said.

Charlie and I got in the cruiser and headed back to Forks. We didn't talk much on the way back. It was about 8 p.m. when we got home and I was happy to be back, even though we'd only been gone a few hours. I said good night to Charlie and headed up stairs. I got in my p.j.'s and sat down on the corner of my bed, not sure what to do next. I flipped through the photo album again, thinking about Edward. I sighed and put the album down. I closed my eyes and hummed the lullaby he had written for me. I got up and went over to the window and peered out, still humming the lullaby. I closed my eyes and remembered Edward singing it to me.

''_You inspired this one'' _He'd said when he first played it for me. I missed that house and everyone that lived there. Alice, most of all other than Edward. She and I had gotten so close in such a short time. I even missed Rosalie, as big of a shocker that it was, I did. I wondered how they all were doing, and , for some reason, how Edward was doing. I remembered the sorrow that enveloped his voice as he'd told me he couldn't stay. I wondered how he was managing. If it was this bad for me, just how bad was it for him?

_Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me._

_**A/N: So?? How's It Coming? I Have One More Chapter To Go. It's Still January, Only Edward's Pov. Any Ideas? I have A Few Myself. I Already Have One From Oxygen.and.Cucumber. I Won't Spoil What It's About You'll Have To Wait And See! Plz. R&R!! Thankies!**_


	5. January, Part 2

_**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Twilight Or Its Characters.**_

_**A/N: Thankies To My Reviewers! You Are The Reason I Keep Writing This Story. Now, On With The Final Chapter! **_

_**Edpov:**_

_''I'm sorry my love. I do love you. And I Always Will...''_ I said, as I picked up her unconsious form into my arms and ran to my car. The tears that were flowing down my face kept falling on her shirt as I ran. This was killing me, but it was also necessary...to keep her safe. I sped back to her house, worrying that she might wake up and be hysterical. I'm not sure I could have handled seeing her like that. This was hard enough to do as it was. Once I reached her house I immediately cut the engine and listened for Charlie. He was in the shower, still curious about Bella and her whereabouts. Good. This would be easy then. I silently swept Bella into my arms and noislessly entered her house and carried her to her room.

''Edward...'' She mumbled, tensing up and breathing heavier than normal. Her heart started speeding up. I froze, not making a single move. No breath escaped my mouth. Then, her body relaxed and I could tell she was still out. I finished lying her on her bed and dashed back out of her house. A Few minutes later I arrived with her truck, the photo album Charlie gave to her and the rest of her things she had brought to the meadow. A second flew by and I was again at her side. I placed everything on her dresser and searched her room for a pen and paper. I quickly wrote a little note and plunged my right hand in my pocket to retrieve a small purple flower form our meadow. I placed it inside the note and folded the paper a few times, kissed it swiftly, and placed it next to the album. I contemplated taking the album when the image of Bella clutching it the way she had been when I first arrived at our meadow appeared in my mind. No. I would leave it for her. It seemed to do her good to have it.

I placed a hand on her head, ever so slightly pushing a few strands of her chocolate brown hair from her pale face. Tears stung my eyes again. I needed to leave, before I lost all courage. I bent over her and briefly brushed my lips over hers, whispering _''I love you''_. Then I was in my car, throwing it in reverse, giving her bedroom window one last glance, and sped off.

_**(a day and a half later)**_

I was about ten minutes from the house when the harshest, yet all-too-familiar growl swept through my mind, prying me from my thoughts of Bella.

''Shit...'' I cursed, wanting to turn around right then and there. ''I'm really in for it...'' I groaned. Alice was not happy. At all.

I just barely had enough time to get out of my car, close the door and begin to walk to the door when I was hit hard from the right, causing me to fly about twenty feet from my car, my keys flying up and landing somewhere in the snow. This time, they didn't even allow me to sit up. They lunged at me again, growling loud. I realized it was Alice as I struggled to steady myself, and her. Her lips were curled up past her teeth, her eyes black as coal. She balled up her fist and decked me square in the jaw. She raised her hand to strike me again, when we were hit hard with strong calming waves, we turned and saw everyone glaring at us. Correction. Glaring at me, as if I were a mongrel or something.

''Alice..what the..'' was all I managed to say as she turned and punched me again, making me to fall backwards again, causing a loud crack as my head hit the driveway.

''Alice, that's enough.'' Carlisle said. ''We all share your distaste and anger, just as much as you..'' He started when Alice broke in.

''No, Carlisle, you don't understand! YOU Didn't see it! YOU Didn't have to sit by and watch him toy with her like he just did! HE TOYED WITH HER FEELINGS! HE MADE HER BELIEVE HE WAS BACK FOR GOOD!'' She spat, thoroughly livid. She turned and decked me a couple more times. It took everyone to pry her off of me. Even Emmett was having trouble and Jasper's calming waves weren't doing anything to help. ''No!! Get off of me! I'm going to rip him apart for what he's done! LET GO!!'' she growled, thrashing about and damn near breaking Emmet's grip on her. ''LET...GO!!'' she said. Suddenly there was aloud crash and Emmett fell over, Alice dashed at me again, only this time with vampire speed. I quickly moved out of the way and she turned not a second later and chased after me. I was faster than most vampires, but she made it really hard to escape her. Then I realized that she was using her powers to guess my moves. She kept her mind blocked from me as we continued to run. Then I heard another crash.

''Damn it Emmett!!'' Alice screamed as he jumped on her from behind, both of them rolled and he finally pinned her to the ground. She immediately started thrashing about again, still not giving up. I stopped running, turned, and headed back toward her and Emmett.

''I don't think you should do that. She's totally pissed.'' Emmett said, still gripping a growling and hissing Alice. I stopped a few feet from them, watching her thrash about.

Jasper came over to her and gripped her head tightly in his hands, sending her his strongest calming waves at her. After about fifteen minutes, she calmed down. With Emmett still holding her, she turned her gaze to me.

''Edward Cullen,'' she said through clenched teeth, her voice like ice. ''When I said go to her, I meant PERMANANTLY! What in the HELL made you think that Bella only getting to see you for just one freakin night was going to help?! HUH?! You pathetic piece of shi...'' She screamed when Jasper turned her head and kissed her mid sentance, using his power on her again. Her eyes went from coal black to light butterscotch in a matter of five seconds. He'd used lust on her. And a very strong wave of it too. I chuckled, smiling slightly. He picked her up, still using his power and headed back inside the house, Alice looking extremely girly at him and smiling dreamily.

I turned to the rest of the family. Carlisle was the first to speak.

''Edward, Alice has a very strong point. What in the world made you think it was a good idea?'' He said, dissapointment totally saturating his voice. He shook his head and continued. ''Poor Bella...I can't even beging to imagine what must be going through her head right now.'' He stated, still dissapointed.

''They're right Edward dear, this was not the wisest choice.'' Esme chimed in. Even Esme sounded let down. I hung my head, not sure what to do.

''Damn! For a tiny thing, she sure as hell can put up a fight! Jeez!'' Emmett said, brushing the snow off his clothes. ''But seriously bro, what were you thinking?'' He asked. Rosalie was next, and what she said suprised me.

''Jesus Edward, this must have totally crushed Bella's heart. You're totally heartless! You don't just do that to a girl! ESPECIALLY When you've broken up with her and the feelings are still mutually there! DUH!...Freakin idiot!'' She said, turning and stalking off towards the house with Emmett following her.

I turned back to Carlisle and Esme. ''I don't...know..I...when Alice showed me the images...I..couldn't bear it anymore.'' I stuttered, tears stinging my eyes as I fell to my knees, burying my face in my hands. I felt a hand on my shoulders and looked up to see Esme wrapping her arms around me. I clung to her like a child and cried. Carlisle came over and hugged me as well, then he noticed I was crying tears.

''How?...'' He began when I interrupted him.

''I..don't...know...It happened..the day I...left Bella...then again when I...went back to Forks.'' I mumbled through sobs.

Carlisle thought a minute, then spoke. ''I'm not sure how you can be crying tears, but it would seem to me that this split between you and Bella is wrong in every way possible.'' He said looking at me, then at Esme, who was nodding her head in agreement.

''I...Can't put her in danger any..more...'' I said, my tears slowing, running out. I stood up and walked in the house and to my room, Esme and Carlisle followed me inside, turning to the living room. I slumped down on my sofa and leaned my head back. ''_I know it's not natural. I can feel that it's not...But I have to stay strong. This IS for the best, even though it hurts like hell. I'm so sorry Bella...My Bella...My Love.'' _I thought to myself. Now I just had to believe that. After that day, I never left my room. I hunted alone, when I chose to hunt at all. And shut out all thoughts from everyone. Especially Alice's. She tried to talk to me about it a few times, but I made absoloutely clear that nobody was to set foot in my room. And I meant nobody. And so, for the rest of December and most of January, such was my life.

Two and a half weeks into January, I decided to come out of my room. I went immeadiately to Carlisle's office and asked to speak with him. I apologized for what had appened, he accepted and had me go to everyone else and apologize. Including Alice. I said my apologies to everyone, but when I got to Alice, I deliberated for a minute on how this would unfold. I shook my head and knocked on her door.

''You can come in Edward. I won't attack you...again...'' She said, a smile hinted her tone at the end. I entered and closed the door. I went over to where she was sitting and sat next to her.

''Alice..I'm...'' I started, but couldn't finish because she interrupted me.

''Sorry? I already saw this conversation. I saw it this morning when you'd decided to follow through with it.'' she stated, tapping her forhead,''Psychic...remember?'' she said, there was heavy sarcasm in her voice. ''Look Edward, I accept your apology, but what about Bella? Honestly, I'm not sure how she feels about it...or about you anymore. She keeps changing her mind. I do know that she still loves you deeply. But as for everything else, it's fuzzy. Supriseingly enough, she hasn't told Charlie. Well, not about you going back anyway. God, how stupid could you be? If I'd known sooner that you would pull this, I wouldn't have told you to go after her.'' she said, shaking her head.

''I know...and I realize now that I should have either stayed, or not gone at all. I wish I could take it back. God this mist be killing her...'' I said, pain hitting my chest, causing me to wince. ''And Alice, please stop throwing images at me with your thoughts. My mind can create its own images.'' said quickly when I noticed she was about to feed me images of what Bella must be going through. She looked at me for a second, stunned, then turned her head away.

''Ok. That's fine.'' was all she said. With that, I rose and left her room and returned to mine. They were going hunting today, and I decided to join them. I hand't fed since the first day of January, I'd just realized that. Because a life without Bella was no life at all.

_**A/N: Oki Day! Well, My First Story Is Complete! YAYE!! Lol! Please Reveiw and Lemme Know How It Was Over All. And Thankies To My Reviewers Who Helped Give Me Ideas! **_


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